Ok I have thought long and hard and talked it over with friends and family and the bottom line is this.......... My sudden retirement was mainly from irritation, anger, and frustration at a deal gone bad. If perhaps I had a laid out plan with set steps along the way it would have succeeded. I didn't. I am bored at home, tired of traveling to see clients, but I have had time to get myself together and that having been said I am going to continue to do videos for about 18months or until I finish a certification I am working on. I have built up a lifestyle that I am NOT willing to throw away just to please society. The team of friends, boyfriends, family etc that I have with me now are sincere and non-adult so they have no ulterior motives and respect me and whatever decision I go with and that is what I have decided. So there is an end but there is a method that will be followed so there will be no financial regrets. Plus the economy is shit right now and looking at the job market based on what I have on my resume is like what the hell.......!!!! I would lose it all and it would be like what was it all for. I have three friends right now that have been 'employed' for sometime now and with the exception of one were all living within their means but are still losing their houses.
And to those that want me to produce....at the moment I have no desire to shoot my own videos because I have no desire to live in LA and it just doesn't translate the same when not there unless you have 7 figure capital to set yourself up like the wonderful people at Score Group in Miami or Bang Bros in Miami. Who knows maybe I will retire and enter into entertainment that way but for now..........I am not ready to eat beans and rice after having sushi and lobster for so long at will!!!! Since most true porn stars have somewhere like 250+ titles and I may be at around 110-115 at best I am good there as well. Ideally a contract would be nice because I have never been one to shoot with just everyone and that will not change now:)!!
On another note a friend and I were discussing something that he says bothers women. He had a woman he was dating ask him how many people he had slept with in his life-time. I was shocked that would even matter especially to a woman. But when he told her apparently she was shocked an appalled. (his #s rival mine I'm sure) But my ??? of the week is would you ask your lover/boy/girl friend this question. And if so what does it matter? What does it show or prove is one has more or less than the other person????
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Hmm... let's see about me...sexy, super-sensitive, sensual, smart, witty, moody, short-fused, loyal, and a Cancerian born June 28. My overall goal is to have fun and try to make $$$ doing just that!!
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15 comments:
Ayana, I'm glad you have come to realize that the decision about your continuing in the adult industry was all a decision to be made on your own. Everyone, including myself, who wanted to see you doing videos again, wanted it for their own personal pleasure. I am a big fan of yours, I love watching your videos and I enjoy reading your blogs, but I know of you because of your work in the porn industry, so for me to pretend that I want you back in the business for your sake, would be crazy. Most of the people posting to your blog have no idea who you are as a person, all they know of you is from being a fan, so of course they would want you back for their own reasons. I wish you continued success and I hope everything works out well with your new plan.
Hmmm. I dunno Ayana...if this is really YOUR decision, b/c at the end of the day it's only YOU that has to go through the whole rigamaroe of everything. So if it's YOUR decision, as a grown as woman all anyone can do is respect it hon.
The whole lifestyle angle...thats all illusional really babe. Its not all it's cracked up to be, honest.
Do your 18 months, get the certification and keep it moving love.
Anyone who likes you be it as a fan or on a personal level has to respect your decision no matter what you choose. As for the asking of the question how many sexual partner. I think it does matter when your numbers are very reasonable and their is suspicion that your partners numbers are not reasonable. In your case Ayana, any one who choose to be with you and knows your history should be able to deal with whatever the number is, so if they ask the question it should be out of curiosity and not judgement.
Most people ask the question because they feel if you sleep with a lot of people then you do not care much for your health with the risk of disease. As for me, it does not matter too much. Hard to judge someone when you are sexually active. Good luck on going back into porn. I was one of the ones that said you should not go back into it. You seemed to really want to give the business world a chance.
Ayana,
I totally understand and appreciate your open and honest approach to us as fans. It allows us to feel somewhat closer to you and as I said in previous comments, your style and proffesionalism is impeccable. People don't understand the risk and sacrifice it takes to move into a new direction. As a fan I would like to see different types of work from you, seeing as though all of your work has been beautiful, yet & still somewhat classic and leveled off at this point of your career as a porn star ascending to legendary status in my book. However, I know a woman of your intelligence and independence won't settle and you have every bit the right to do what your standard of living requires given the recession that's soon to come.
Ayana,
I had to give a seperate opinion on the issue of sexual history cause it actually has affected my marraige and caused serious trust issues. When I met my wife I am and was always the type of dude who would never cared and just assumed you ask that question you can expect a lie. But, she asks me on one of our first dates and I felt like your friend. I then told her and specifically told her NOT to tell because I didn't care and felt she would lie so leave it alone. She tripped on my history a lil bit, and vollunteered false information! I knew she hadn't been out there as I may have been, but I knew she was no angel, seeing as though that aint my type of chick anyway. (unless it's you)But the fact that I knew she was lying to me caused me to lose that special trust that you have when building a bond with someone. Being a jealous Scorpio, when given sensitive false info like that, it made it an issue, cause it made me question everything about her which wouldn't have been the case! Then slowly but surely she would find out I knew or was associated with alot of people and she had to come clean on alot of things. No lie, trust is the centerpoint of any relationship, and in all truth, she broke that unnecessarily, and it puts thoughts in man's mind when someone lies to you about something that's small, you wonder about the bigger things as well. I would love a female opinion on this one, because honestly, it has affected me in how I treat her to certain degree. I don't look at her the way...say even if I was with any other woman.Honestly, knowing your history I wouldn't care. But with her, it's just different.
Even though I am in the minority by voting for you not to return to porn, I must say I am not all that saddened by it ;-)
I guess my conservative upbringing played a part in me voting against your return but I am glad that you made this decision solely by on your own. So I can't knock that. Soooo, will you be escorting again too....please! ;-D
Good luck & God bless!
H. Clinton 08
Hi,AYANA,
I am glad to see that you are atleast considering producing your own videos.It's always a good thing when you produce your own product.Whatever you do,it's always good to have clear,written goals for your-self.
I was one who voted you should retire.The reason i thought that you should was that it seemed like you were really sick and tired of the biz.Why do something if your heart really isnt in it? I hope you are able to get a contract with one of the top production companies.
As far as how many partners a person has,i guess in this age of HIV,you have to be somewhat concerned.I am not too put off by a woman who has alot of partners.I consider how she carries herself in public.A lady in the streets and a freak in the bed!
Ayana, I'm a big fan and enjoy your work, in todays economic times things are terrible, so you do your hustle because the reality of it all only you have to answer for yourself. I remember the first time I saw you on the Ricky Lake show clothed and just being you, man did I fall you hard. Anyway good luck, I am pretty sure things will work out the way you want it.
Ayana, big fan enjoy your work, glad to here things are going your way, despite the terrible economics times of today you manage to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember the first time I saw clothed..LOL on the Ricky Lake show, you have a wonderful personality and a great spirit, fell for hard. Anyway good luck and say safe.
Well you have to do what's best for you and that's what you did. As far as the question of the number of sexual partners, my fiance asked the same question of me and I didn't hold back an answer I told her the truth. The thing she didn't believe was that I was never in a real relationship. That was to hard for her to believe and that I all of a sudden wanted to be in one. It's just like you run from something for so long that you finally stop running and you don't get what you expected.
I just heard you are thinking about retiring completely and I thought I should put down a few words. My statement is: please don't... well, if you want to retire and marry me, then please go on and do it lol
Seriously: listen to your soul
happy valentine's day sweetie
Hmmm...the "how many partners" question is always a tough one. I personally don't have any problem answering it but the answering always seems to lead to problems. I had a girlfriend who had been around...but no moreso than I had gotten around...and I already knew this. To me, what was before me is the past. I really only care aout how many men she's with while she's supposed to be only with me. :) Anywho...she had issues with my having had so many partners cause she felt that I'd always be looking for something she lacked...which was completely untrue. I guess all I can say is that it's a loaded question and it needs to be treated as if it oculd cause damage.
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